It has been a hot minute since I’ve been present here. I wanted to make the return to my blog full of sparkle and dazzle to let you know that I’m okay and all is well. I would tell you about the difficulties this past year (I last posted in April 2021) and how I overcame them in great and glorious ways. This is not that blog post. Let me be very honest with you – there are days as recent as today where I ask myself what year we are in because the last several years have blurred together in utter chaos and catastrophe. I feel confident in very little these days; my circle has become very tiny. I’m hopeful the sparkle and dazzle will return, but it’s not here yet.
I’m crawling out of a hole, reemerging perhaps from a very still place of wondering, wandering, and whispering. Writing has been absent–pretty much non-existent–and that has left me with this incredibly crushing feeling, inviting a lot of negativity and doubt to very powerfully grab hold of my thinking.
I hope to start writing more…writing again. I’ve spent a lot of time with past and recent grief lately, and I’m starting to understand that I needed to step back from the words to hopefully have the words come later. This is my starting again. My early morning sunrise. I haven’t been okay. I’ve been processing grief. I’m also giving permission to myself to be okay with not being okay – to not rush the feelings or ignore them, but not get stuck in them. It’s a fine line and I’m grateful for the love that surrounds me and helps me to keep moving forward when it seems so much easier to just sit, unengaged and numbly still.
I am writing today, from a new place and a new space. My faith is uninterrupted, it has carried me this entire time. My relationship with Christ is solid, and I assure you He has listened to every question and gripe and complaint and irritation I’ve thrown his way. Unwavering Love. The church is another story and for another time. Today is about this moment, a much-needed, long overdue post to my blog and the process of writing words that help me breathe a little easier, feel a little calmer, and give me hope.
~jeh