Welcome to My Heart page. This is truly my heart and a part of my journey. If you and I were talking face to face, these are things you would learn about me and things I would share with you. I want others to know paths that I have walked or paths that I’m on; I want people to know that we can walk a path that ends up connecting us to another path. Life is an enormous and incredible journey…and then we have these other journeys within our life that helps to shape us. This page will be updated less often, but it’s where you will find links and resources that I believe in and have found helpful and/or useful over the years.
The Loss of Our Son
At the age of 16, our son took his own life. This is not the answer, it cannot be the choice; please reach out, I promise there is someone to talk to and many who care. Don’t let the darkness in your mind take over and tell you there is no hope, that is a lie.
There is always hope. Please call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 anytime / 24 hours. You matter!
Foster / Adoption
Whether or not you are feeling called to foster or adopt, you may know a family already on this journey or maybe just starting this journey. There is so much you can do. I will say that some foster/adopt parents may dismiss such kindness, or say no, or not to worry or bother because foster/adopt parents are often battling their own internal negative self-talk, a message of not being good enough parents; questioning the existence of joy or silver linings; wondering how the waters will ever part so that the other side can be reached. There is a need to smile, a need to laugh, a need to know we are okay and not alone.
- Take them a meal – homemade, take out, fast food…I promise it won’t matter.
- Offer to come over with coffee and donuts, or cheese and wine, or crayons and coloring books. Spend time listening to mom and/or dad or color with the kids so mom can nap, do laundry, and start supper.
- Babysitting, babysitting, babysitting. If you can, this would be huge in every way.
- Hug them. When you see these foster/adopt parents, simply hug them. Connect with mom and dad…sure, the kids are cute and energetic, talkative and easy to connect with, less intimidating perhaps. However, mom and dad, even with a smile on their face and trust me when I say this, they need to be seen, and they need a hug.
We became a licensed family that provided respite foster care and we also grew our family through adoption. There are so many options out there and the numbers are staggering for children needing a safe home.
- Simply visit AdoptUSKids and start reading the statistics and needs out there for children.
- Look up foster care/adoption specific to your state.
- There is domestic or international adoption available through Bethany Christian Services; you will find the states and countries they work in on their website.
- Perhaps your need is adoption aid assistance, pre- and post-adoption care, or even sponsoring a care center — all of which are offered through Show Hope, a non-profit founded by Mary Beth and Steven Curtis Chapman.
- You may find that Foster Care through a select number of states, or becoming a licensed foster parent in your own state might be what you are being called to do.
Whatever it is, there is a need and the need is mighty, the work dare I say even mightier.
Trauma / Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)
The realities of fostering and/or adopting – these children come from very broken places; places that we honestly cannot even begin to grasp an understanding of, even if we try. And yet we’ve been called to this mission work. My family is on this very difficult journey and there are days I sometimes feel as if I cannot take another step forward. Hard days and difficult days do not describe the hurt, pain, and fear we experience. Sometimes I wonder if there are even words that could accurately tell this part of our story. I will state here that I don’t blog often about this journey – or I haven’t yet – because it’s so raw. There is beauty in it, I get glimpses, and perhaps if I blogged more, I might see more sunlight. I also know that what my adopted children experienced at such young ages was not their fault and it rips me up inside to watch them have to pay a very hefty price for choices and behaviors that were not their own.
If you are a parent whose child is in foster care, please know that you need to lean into those offering help and resources so that reunification can happen. Keep working!! Your kiddos need a stable, consistent, clean, emotionally healthy YOU! Your social workers, your kids’ foster parents, your therapists…all of these people are wanting to see you succeed. You, however, are the only one that can make that choice to be better, do better, want better. And sometimes, letting go is the best and most selfless act of love you can give your child, and that’s okay too. That’s wanting better for them.
If you are a foster or adoption parent and you are experiencing life with a child who has experienced trauma, you are not alone. You are seen. There is help and hope and healing for your heart and theirs too. My words of encouragement will be resources, resources, resources. My husband and I are online researching, book reading, class taking, conference attending, therapy working, on our knees praying adoptive parents of a sibling group. We learned about the PTSD diagnosis pre-adoption and Reactive Attachment Disorder post-adoption. We have a village of doctors and therapists…and a favorite dentist. We homeschool through elementary, a need we didn’t realize at first, landing abruptly in our laps, and becoming a blessing in disguise. The resources may be overwhelming or not enough, there will be websites and books, conferences, and groups to check out. I hope these help – even if just one link helps one family, I will be happy. Adoption parenting has crumbled me at times…and so much of it was as simple as we didn’t know what we didn’t know, so asking for help was never something we thought of; we thought love and hugs and boundaries would heal all wounds. Knowledge is starting to heal some of our wounds and in turn, we hope we are helping our children heal.
- Websites that I find necessary and helpful:
- Books that are must-reads: “under construction”
Faith – because without it, I simply would not be…
My faith and my relationship with Christ is my air, it’s how I get through my days and life. I share it in my writing and my speaking. It is my faith that allows me to know that I don’t have to walk this journey alone, nor do I need to have everything figured out. Day by day, prayer by prayer, breath by breath.
My salvation story took place during my high school years, in a small Texas town, at a First Baptist Church, during the week of revival, and just as the school year was coming to an end. There wasn’t anything super significant or an amazing chain of events – no fireworks to speak of, yet I heard my name, felt a tug (not literally) and I found myself walking forward to the front of the church. There no doubt was an amazing heavenly chain of events that I was clueless about because I walked forward that night and I trusted Him, I asked Jesus into my heart, and it was at that moment that Jesus became my Lord and Savior. And it was from that moment forward that He has had his hands full with me. I’ve not been an easy one, let me tell ya. I am so glad that I am loved by the Mighty One who knows no boundaries, who loves unconditionally, and who died on the cross for my sins so that I could live in glorious eternity. I am undeserving, yet He calls me His child.
I also find it important to be upfront and honest here and let you know that within very recent years, I began a journey of deconstruction, not from my faith or from Christ, but from corporate evangelical Christianity which is where my religion had been rooted, where I took my first steps and learned to walk. I love Jesus and I need prayer and scripture. Those are the facts. Jesus loves us ALL – there is no picking and choosing, right or wrong, loved or unloved. We all matter. And we all matter to Him.
I share these links with some hesitation – I know there is pain out there because of how scripture has been used to cause hurt and pain. I love God’s Word and in my opinion, at this point of my journey, it’s so much better if we read it ourselves, for ourselves, and with Him. I pray these bring peace and comfort to you.